Do you ever wonder if God really knows who you are?  Does He, the Creator of Heaven and Earth care about you?

Recently, I was reading a story in Guidepost. As I read the story I felt the Holy Spirit speak to my heart and say, “Write your story.” I replied, “I am not good with words, I can’t write my story.” As I continued to read, the urgency grew stronger and I heard the lyrics by Francesca Battistelli, “Write your story, write your story.” So I began to think about it, and decided to pray about the matter.  I talked with my daughter, and she told me about her friend’s blog. She read her introduction to me about how she wants to share her story to encourage people. I prayed more and felt impressed to contact her and ask her to write my story. She has agreed to help me and this is my story…

As a young teenage girl, I was raised in church and was taught about the love of God. Soon I was of an age that we all reach, when we want to experience life, and all it has to offer. I strayed away from what I had been taught, and made some mistakes. I found myself pregnant at 17 years old. I was alone and scared. I turned to family and friends for advice. “Just get rid of the problem,” they said.  So with my sister by my side, I went to the clinic and had an abortion.

I remember waking up the next day with a heavy weight of guilt and shame. At that moment I felt like God could never forgive what I had done, and He certainly would never love me again. I thought if I blamed others for what had happened, I would find peace and be relieved of the guilt. But I found no peace.

At the age of 20, I was married and we began growing our family. I had returned to church and had given my life to Jesus – but there was still the lingering guilt and shame of my past. During my pregnancy, often, I would open up my Bible looking for proof that God still loved me. Once, as I did this, the page opened and my eyes fell on the scripture that said, “Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot…” and I convinced myself again that what I had done was unforgiveable, and I felt for sure that God would punish me and take the baby from me. But He didn’t. He gave me two children, first a daughter, then 18 months later, a son.

When my children were young, I put them down for a nap. On this particular day, I turned on the television and The 700 Club program was on. The topic of discussion was ‘Abortion.’ As I sat there alone and listened, all the shame and guilt flooded my mind and heart. All the thoughts of ‘God could never love me,’ ‘what I did was unforgiveable’ swarmed in my head. How could God ever forgive what I had done? Then, as if a person was in the room, the enemy himself sat beside me. I heard, “Why don’t you just kill yourself. Go turn the gas stove on and let the fumes fill the house.”

As I pondered the idea, the telephone began to ring – these were the days before answering machines and caller id. I ignored the telephone, thinking after a few rings the person would hang up, and then I would go into the kitchen and turn the gas on. But the ringing did not stop. I became irritated and ticked off at the sound and answered the telephone.

On the line was a woman who introduced herself and said she was calling from The 700 Club in Virginia. She explained they were broadcasting live, and she wanted to know if I had any need or prayer request. I stood there in shock, trying to figure out how this was really happening. I was pretty sure they didn’t make phone calls like this. I knew they had a number for people to call in with a prayer request. A second and a third time she repeated herself. I continued to try to process the unbelief and questions of how this woman had my telephone number and was calling me from Virginia at that exact moment. All of a sudden I began to tell her my story.

I told her how at a young age I had had an abortion and was still carrying the guilt and shame of it. As tears rolled down my face, I told her that I was sitting there at the very moment she called, contemplating to turn the gas stove on to let the fumes fill the house, that would not only kill myself, but my two young children who were napping. The woman on the other end of the line immediately prayed with me. When she hung up, I knew I had just had an encounter with God, and that He loved me so much, that at the very moment I was going to end my life, He had a woman in another state call my home.

And now, 37 years later, God is speaking to my heart to write my story. I do not know who you are, or what you have done, that has you convinced God can never love you or wants you, but I do know that Jesus loves you so much. I don’t know when this story will end up in your hands, but God has spoken to me today to write my story just for you.

His love for you is deeper and higher, and greater than you can ever imagine. When you are at your lowest in the deepest, darkest place, He is right there beside you, holding you. There is nothing you can ever do that will make Him stop loving you. He knows you’ve messed up, but still He says, “Come, let Me help you. I have great plans for your life. I knew you when you were made in secret. I knew you would get to this moment when you needed Me most, and every moment of your life in between. I am here. I love you, My child.”

Oh, the love He has for you. He lifts you out of the pit and mire, takes the dirty clothes and throws them far from you, and wraps you in beautiful, white garments. The guilt and shame, He says, are no longer yours to carry. The heavy weight you’ve been carrying has left you tired and bent low. The scars have left their mark on you. He is here to lift that burden from you, set you free, heal the wound and scars, and wrap you in His everlasting love. He is never far from those who cry out to Him.

He knows the things you like and dislike, every detail about you, every secret in your heart. Your favorite color, yes, He even knows that. He knows your name. He knows your telephone number. He could have had someone call you, like the woman who called me that day – but, I believe He wanted to use my story to touch your heart right now. Cry out to Jesus. He will be there for you, just like He was there for me when I needed Him most, and how He is with me even today.

~I wrote this story as requested by my friend.  Because of the sensitivity of topic her name will remain anonymous, until such time that she chooses to make herself known. She has given me permission to share her story here on my blog, in hopes that it will encourage someone who is questioning if God loves them.  Please feel free to share this story.